I heard a song the other day by Micheal Olson called, "Give My Life Away." It talks about Jesus giving His life away for us...then the song takes a turn and challenges the listener about giving their own life away for Jesus...

Surrender it all...Pick up our crosses and follow Him.

I'm reading the gospel of John right now and the way that He and others in this book talk to and about Jesus is captivating to me. Their words are spoken with a sense of awe and wonder of their Messiah. Being around the Savior just made them yearn for so much more. They wanted to give their lives away and follow Jesus.

They have nothing, yet gain everything....

There are costs they pay, yet they receive the sweetest of rewards...

What an example of living for Christ. Give everything away, expecting nothing in return...knowing there are prices to pay, but trusting Christ's word. This is such a challenge to me. It has been something that has been on my heart a lot lately. How do I view my Savior? Am I willing to give my life away? I desire to live my life that way, but am I truly willing to sacrifice everything? Even the things that mean most to me? Do I trust that He is worth it all?

I am a selfish sinner...desiring to live as Christ lived and love as Christ loves... surrendering daily my human desires and taking up my cross in order to follow my Messiah...my Savior.

I'm gunna to give my life away

expect nothing in return

if that's the price that I must pay

that's a lesson I will learn

with every breath I take

I'll take Jesus at His word

I'm gunna give my life away..

This is my prayer.

God's timing...

I have much to learn about God's timing. I have been humbled lately...learning that even when my own desires appear to be godly, they can still not be God's best. My heart and mind have been restless with desires to do great things for the Lord. My mind has been filled with plans to go and do big things to further His kingdom. And even though these things are godly, the Lord is still asking me to wait....to be still...to allow Him to prepare me.

I feel that this time in my life is such a huge growth period of becoming who I am in Christ and finding my identity there. The Lord has much to do in me and I'm excited to see how He molds and shapes my hopes, dreams, and desires of my heart.

Lord...I am yours and let your will be done...I surrender my life with open hands.

Beauty in Brokeness...

Throughout life, plans are made, details placed, futures set...perfection strived for.

oh how finite the mind is.

Plans fail quite quickly when made by the human mind. and one can be broken so easily because of this, down to the deepest part of the soul. All of the plans and perfections...shattered...torn....brought down to the lowest of lows.

but there is beauty in brokeness. It's a state of complete helplessness...a perfect picture of humility. You sit there...not knowing what to do or who to run to. You feel lost and lonely with no where to hide...naked for everyone to see. It seems as though you cannot go on....but there He is...in the midst of it all. Picking up each piece, holding them in His gentle hands and then He starts. He puts each piece back together so diligently, so carefully...mending them in such a way so as not to hurt you, but to heal you. He sees which piece fits in the best place and there He places it. And when He is finished, the picture is so much more beautiful then it ever was before...a new creation.

This is what Christ did for me. He has broken me down, picked up the pieces, and mended me into His new creation. And now I don't have to plan, organize, or be perfect.

All I have to do is lay it all at the foot of the cross and sit before Him. Waiting on His plan and His will for me.

"Here before your alter, I am letting go of all I am. Of every motive, every burden, everything that's of myself."

This is my song for my King...the one who heals the broken and leads the willing.

A Call to Love...

"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." Proverbs 10:12

I have found myself throughout my life not loving through all things. The first part of this verse talks about stirring up dissension. I know that in my own life that I have participated in this type of action quite often. When someone wrongs us, it is natural for our human nature to get upset and wanting to cause dissension with this person. We just want satisfaction in knowing we caused them some small pain for the large open wound they created in us.

but even so God calls us to love. not just any love, but unconditional, agape love. now this is impossible because it is perfect love and we cannot attian Christ's perfection, but we can use our our own situations as opportunities to imitate that type of love. the last part of the verse talks about love covering up all wrongs. Christ is giving us the answer on how to resolve wrongs that were made against us...it's not by hartred, revenge, or bitterness...but love. that will be the greatest satisfaction of all. Loving the way Christ did.

i feel that i have a hard time expressing this type of love...and the more i try, the harder it gets. it seems to me that the people that i try to love, and that are some of the hardest to love, throw it back in my face over and over again. this wears me down to where i either want to give up, or i want stir up dissention with this person. but then i thought about it... This throwing back in the face thing, we do that to Christ all of the time. and i'm sure we all know this in a small way, but look deeper at it. Christ loves ALL of us. even those who do not love him in return and never will. He never gets weary or tired or bitter etc...but just keeps on giving us grace and mercy. wow... unfathomable.

what a great God we serve and what a perfect example to follow on how to love.

may we never forget it.

The Joy of Life...

::Sometimes your joy is the source of a smile and sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy::

::Birds sing after a storm, why shouldn't we?::

::Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us::

::A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself::

::Coffee is a girl's best friend::

::Your hug is a pill that always works::

::A cheerful heart is good medicine..::

*Sometimes it's good to be reminded to smile in the little things!*

Speechless...

I find myself at a loss for words today. It's interesting to say the least...I always have something to think about, something to say, something to do...but today I'm just still.

I feel I am in this inbetween stage of wanting to control things in my life and yet wanting to let the Lord take it. It's the stage of blah. I desire God's best for my life and yet I always want to fix things myself. I try so hard to let Him do what He thinks is best, but then my impatient human mind takes over and I try to sick my foot in the door of God's work...only to find myself in a worse position that I was to begin with.

I am found

lonely,

hurting,

and speechless.

I am speechless to the fact that I thought I could try to do this on my own or do it better than Christ. Who am I to think such things? That the creator of the universe cannot handle something as tiny as my life....

I am speechless tonight because God is so much bigger than I can even imagine and He has EVERYTHING under control. My life is such a small portion to God's plan for this world. I am speechless as to why He would even want to care about me and my troubles...

He has left me at a loss for words and that is when I will see him work the best..

when I am quiet and out of control

A Faithful Father...

Today I am overcome with immense joy...joy I have not felt in a long time. The only way I could have felt this joy is because of one thing....God's faithfulness.

"true to one's word, promises, or vows.."

"reliable, trusted, believed.."

These define what faithfulness is to me. I have expereinced God's faithfulness in so many ways lately....even in the littest things, but today......today God showed up in a HUGE way.

So here's the story...I disciple a freshman girl named Jess. She is such a blessing in my life...anyway, she has a friend who recently has gotten pregnant. Now, Jess is not very close with this girl, but we had been praying for opportunities for Jess to talk to this girl about the baby. And God provided that. They had a good talk, but later, Jess found out that this girl was going to have an abortion, so instantly Jess and I committed to praying hard core for this girl and the baby. We prayed that God would provide a miracle and that this girl would not go through with the abortion. The appointment was over spring break...and when we came back Jess came to me and told me that she DID NOT go through with it. PRAISE BE TO GOD! We were so joyful that the Lord was faithful in answering our prayers and protecting this child. Well, come to find out, this girl was going back to the place to go through with the abortion...she was determined to do it this time. So, again Jess and I committed to praying. Now, I am not putting God in a box, but I knew that most likely this girl was going to get an abortion, so I tried to prepare Jess on how to support this girl in both situations...abortion or not. That was really hard, but we still committed to praying. So God...as cool as he is... has been showing me his faithfulness lately in the little things and Jess came to me this week of God showing His faithfulness and told me that this girl DID NOT go through with the abortion.... AGAIN!!! I almost cried.

What a faithful God we serve...he not only saved this child's life once...but twice! Amazing...

"true to one's word, promise or vow"

"reliable, trusted, believed."

This is the definition of our God. There is nothing he can't do.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

My Refuge...

This week has been extremely stressful for me...school, summer project, and friends have been on my mind and keeping me busy. Every day has been a challenge in one way or another...things kept adding to my stress level, but I was able to handle it...then last night hit me.

Last night I couldn't take it anymore... I was drowning. I had allowed myself to become encompassed with the burdens of other things and other people's problems only to find that I was hurting in the midst of it all.

I went home and just lost it... I cried out to the Lord. I couldn't do it on my own anymore. See, I didn't realize it, but this whole week, I was trying to hold it all together. I was trying to not let things bother me. I was going to fix things. I was not going to let myself hurt....the only thing I found, is that I can't do it.

I can't fix everyone's problems, I can't make the hurt go away, only the Lord can. I was so determined this week to be ok and to make others feel ok that I wasn't allowing Him to take make it all ok.... I did not allow Him to take the burdens and they just kept piling up, making things worse. The Lord calls us to come to him with our burdens, to lay them down at the foot of the cross. So last night, that's what I did. I went before the Lord and just laid out my heart and the hurt before Him. I said take it all Lord, because I can't do it.

and today...I feel renewed. This will be a daily surrender, but I have run into the arms of the only One who can mend brokeness.

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

Proverbs 18:10

Waiting in the rain...

Rainy days capture the perfect picture of how it feels to be in a time of waiting. The day is usually gray, you cannot go outside and play, your mood usually changes, and it seems unending.

...you sit, waiting for the rain to stop, hoping to see the sun shine through...

As I sat in my room admiring the rain, I found myself waiting. Waiting for so many things in my life, for God to reveal guidence in friendships, for where the Lord wants to lead me in ministry, waiting for school to be done, waiting for the next change in life. As I sat thinking about this period of waiting in my life, I found that waiting is the best and worst place to be in.

Waiting is the worst because sometimes you do not even know what you are waiting for. When you are waiting on the Lord, everything is out of your control and therefore very scary. You never know how long or how short. Time is entirely out of your hands. You feel as though you are stuck inside yourself and that the gray area all around you is not going to leave...sometimes it looks as though the sun will never shine through...

this is the place I find myself...I feel as though the gray will never leave, that the sun will never shine through, that I am tired and I want to give up. Even my mood is gray and my heart in a low place. It is hard to just sit and watch the rain pour in your life...

but then I am reminded of Lord telling me to be still. This time of waiting is also the best because it is an opportunity to trust God and see his faithfulness shine through! He is a God who has it under control and wants my very best. He is asking me to allow Him to give me His very best. So in this time of waiting, God is also doing the most work in my heart. He desires to show me his faithfulness through it all...

and He will if I

sit...

be still...

wait...

and watch as He turns my darkness into light.

"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10

Walking in Love..

We are told that being in love is a feeling, an overwhelming sense of emotion that we can't help towards another person. It consumes our thoughts, feelings and actions. We (especially as women) let it control our emotions and it takes over our being. Feeling loved or being in love is a wonderful fairy tale that we long to live in. We try so hard to place ourselves in that type of love story. By doing this, we allow ourselves to give parts of our heart and body away in hopes of feeling the fairy tale love.

Above is what the world tells us love is. To give away oursleves slowly to someone who may or may not love us in return. It tells us that the expression of our passionate feelings is what shows true love. And although part of that is true, it is also quite false.

Today, I was thinking of all of this and what it truly means to walk in love and I had an experience that showed me. It was just a little thing, but it reminded me of what true love is. I was walking back to my apartment listening to my ipod when the song "How He Loves Us" by Kim Walker came on. In the middle of the song she talks about encountering the love of God and how you would know because you would never be the same again. As I was walking, the wind blew across my face so tenderly and my hand contracted into a fist. It was God's way of saying I love you and holding onto my hand and walking with me in love.

Love is a choice, to choose to love someone everyday no matter what the circumstances are. This little moment I had with God allowed me to remember that He chooses to love me everyday, despite my sinful nature. This is true love, not the feelings or emotions that come with it, but the choice to have unconditional love for someone, agape love. I am undeserving of this love and yet, it's the truest, purest, most fairy tale like form of love I have ever ecnountered....and I am not the same and never will be...

Walk in His love today my ladies...

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." - 1 John 4:16