I'm learning that sin is a BIG DEAL to our God. This is not a matter to be taken lightly. It is something that separates us from having an intimate relationship with our Lord...it hurts and destroys people...outwardly and inwardly. It creates a barrier between the person and others...including our Lord. It is so real to God that he was willing to take it ALL upon himself and die to save our souls from it. wow...now that must mean that God takes sin seriously, which means if I call myself a Christ follower, I must take sin seriously

God wants an intimate relationship with us, but if we are constantly having a complacent attitude about sin, it is hard for us to really have that deep intimacy.

Psalm 51 has been on my heart since this summer when I was in Ghana. God really revealed to me there how serious sin is... how I should not take it lightly. David knew how big of a deal it was and he poured that out through this psalm.

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;according to your great compassion..." Psalm 51:1

"Creat in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me, Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Pslam 51:10-12.

Here, he is pleading with the Lord to forgive him and create a pureness in him because he knows that God can not look upon sin...that God abhores sin...that God's wrath is so great, that he has the ability to strike us down at any moment. Shouldn't that be our attitude? Fearing the Lord and taking what HE thinks is serious, seriously?

I really desire to be broken over what Christ breaks for....He is broken over sin, therefore I should be too...not to take it lightly, but to understand that it is a serious matter and to do all I can to fight against the devil's schemes and pray for wisdom and truth in this! "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Psalm 51:6

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17. May this be my heart!

change is an interesting thing...

Sometimes change is good...other times, not so much. Today I've realized that I'm going through large changes in my life right now. Most of it really good and exciting, other parts of it make me sad...feeling as if I'm leaving a wonderful part of my life behind. But, God said that there will be many different seasons in life...and how are you supposed to grow if you only stay in one season?This is a new season coming upon me. I'm excited to embark on this new journey and really allow the Lord to lead in it fully.

Relationships are key to human nature. We live in and through them. I have just been really meditating on the relationships that I have right now. Wow...what a blessing. I would have to say that God has blessed me beyond compare with men and women in my life that are sooooo real. I must say that I have experienced some of the most un fake people in my life...these men and women have been so transparent...laid their hearts out in the open...for everyone to see.

So beautiful.

I just want to write about the women in my life. Where to even begin. God has strategically placed these women in my life at EXACTLY the right time..God's perfect will in God's perfect timing...But these women are more than just friends....more than just best friends...they are my sisters. Women I can laugh, cry, yell, and bear my souls to. They are breathtaking inside and out, beautifully crafted by our Savior. They are each perfectly made and the Lord has gifted each one with a unique and beautiful personality and love for the Lord.

I have learned so much through each woman. They have saved me from a lot of heartache and have helped pick me back up when I have felt that all hope was lost. They have kept me accountable to being a godly woman, sometimes just by being who they are. They also challenge me to go deeper and strive further to be more intimate with our Lord and to love his people the way He did and does.

I don't know why Christ has blessed me with these women, but I wanted them to know that they have made the greatest impact in my life... second to Christ. So, thank you my loves for being my sisters and loving me always...you all have truly changed my life for the better... I am blessed because of all of you! Thank you for loving the Lord the way you do...You girls mean the world to me and I love you so so much.

:Jess:Brie:Erica:Candice:

"Your pretending to have it all together is killing any sense of identity you have.

You are loosing yourself to hide your imperfections."

This is a quote that one of my friends wrote describing what the Lord was revealing to her in her own life. As I read those words, I felt that the Lord used the revelation he gave her to reveal similar issues in me.

These two statements hit me blindsided...

For the past year, I have been healing of things in my past and it has been so freeing. The Lord has truly been the source of joy in my heart and contentment of my soul. But lately, I have been realizing that part of me feels dead...numb. There is a part of my identity that is not present. I have been feeling this way for awhile now, but not many people would know because I hide it well.

I am a perfectionist and I do not like showing if something is wrong or out of control in my life. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and therefore I pretend that all is just fine...but sometimes this is not true. Sometimes I'm dying inside and my world feels chaotic and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless and I end up loosing myself in the midst of it all....

These statements rang true in my life this past week...I don't want to pretend that everything is okay all the time...I don't want to loose myself, my sense of identity because I am trying to hide my imperfections. The Lord brought others into our lives to "encourage one another.." Romans 1:12 and to carry each others burdens. It's okay to let others know that things aren't always just fine..it brings forth rawness...realness...

I have learned so much by just dwelling on those statements and really allowing the Lord to break me of this idea in my head of "having it all together" or "it's not a big deal." It has been extremely freeing and restoration of my identity in Christ has been set in place again.

so thank you my dear friend for sharing those words...

I find myself seeing things of my past creep up behind me....

They start off as little things, not that big of a deal.... then suddenly, there is this huge issue at hand and I don't even know how it got there.

The biggest issue that has come forth from my past has been fear. I have been realizing that I am fearful of a lot of things in my life. I am not quite sure why, but I know that it was just little things and now it encompasses most things in my life...or at least the most meaningful things in it.

I fear conflict, people leaving, being imperfect, not worthy...and the list goes on.

Now, I'm not looking for pity at all. I know that all of these things are complete lies. I am more just at a loss as to why I feel this way and how I am to get over these fears.. Instead of dealing with these fears and being vulnrable to all of them, I would much rather not make any of it a big deal...sweep it under the rug..pretend that it does not bother me... to push away the hurt that can come from them.

I fear hurting most of all...I'm tired of it, so I tend to just build up walls in order to not to feel it. I love the Lord and I know He will never fail me...it's people I don't trust...been burnt one too many times I suppose.

It does get old feeling this way..hence me writing about it. Trying to get my thoughts all in order...trying to find the source of this fear...trying to find how I can get through it with the Lord. How do I allow him to break me of this and allow Him to protect me, instead of me trying to protect myeslf? How do I allow myself to trust those I love that they won't leave, that they will always love me? These are questions that I pose to myself...to challenge my perspective.

Jesus is unchanging, never failing, everlasting...He will always remain. Here is where I start...trusting the Lord with those that I love because he ecompasses it all...He is sovereign.

Psalm 27:1

"The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"

ahhh refreshment.

new start.

I recently just transferred from St. Cloud State University to the University of Minnesota. I was not happy at St. Cloud and felt it on my heart that the Lord was calling me home. I also felt on my heart that there were big things in store that he wanted me to do this semester. A lot of prayer has gone into those impressions he has made...and wow...so many opportunities have come up for me to serve Him in huge ways. Amazing how God shows up with faithfulness if we are just willing to be obedient to His calling.

So, here I am. First week of a new semester....a new beginning...a new life.

The Lord has already blessed me beyond belief and I cannot wait to see more of His will for my life to unfold.

Here I am Lord...Take and use me.