I find myself seeing things of my past creep up behind me....

They start off as little things, not that big of a deal.... then suddenly, there is this huge issue at hand and I don't even know how it got there.

The biggest issue that has come forth from my past has been fear. I have been realizing that I am fearful of a lot of things in my life. I am not quite sure why, but I know that it was just little things and now it encompasses most things in my life...or at least the most meaningful things in it.

I fear conflict, people leaving, being imperfect, not worthy...and the list goes on.

Now, I'm not looking for pity at all. I know that all of these things are complete lies. I am more just at a loss as to why I feel this way and how I am to get over these fears.. Instead of dealing with these fears and being vulnrable to all of them, I would much rather not make any of it a big deal...sweep it under the rug..pretend that it does not bother me... to push away the hurt that can come from them.

I fear hurting most of all...I'm tired of it, so I tend to just build up walls in order to not to feel it. I love the Lord and I know He will never fail me...it's people I don't trust...been burnt one too many times I suppose.

It does get old feeling this way..hence me writing about it. Trying to get my thoughts all in order...trying to find the source of this fear...trying to find how I can get through it with the Lord. How do I allow him to break me of this and allow Him to protect me, instead of me trying to protect myeslf? How do I allow myself to trust those I love that they won't leave, that they will always love me? These are questions that I pose to myself...to challenge my perspective.

Jesus is unchanging, never failing, everlasting...He will always remain. Here is where I start...trusting the Lord with those that I love because he ecompasses it all...He is sovereign.

Psalm 27:1

"The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"