Relationships are key to human nature. We live in and through them. I have just been really meditating on the relationships that I have right now. Wow...what a blessing. I would have to say that God has blessed me beyond compare with men and women in my life that are sooooo real. I must say that I have experienced some of the most un fake people in my life...these men and women have been so transparent...laid their hearts out in the open...for everyone to see.

So beautiful.

I just want to write about the women in my life. Where to even begin. God has strategically placed these women in my life at EXACTLY the right time..God's perfect will in God's perfect timing...But these women are more than just friends....more than just best friends...they are my sisters. Women I can laugh, cry, yell, and bear my souls to. They are breathtaking inside and out, beautifully crafted by our Savior. They are each perfectly made and the Lord has gifted each one with a unique and beautiful personality and love for the Lord.

I have learned so much through each woman. They have saved me from a lot of heartache and have helped pick me back up when I have felt that all hope was lost. They have kept me accountable to being a godly woman, sometimes just by being who they are. They also challenge me to go deeper and strive further to be more intimate with our Lord and to love his people the way He did and does.

I don't know why Christ has blessed me with these women, but I wanted them to know that they have made the greatest impact in my life... second to Christ. So, thank you my loves for being my sisters and loving me always...you all have truly changed my life for the better... I am blessed because of all of you! Thank you for loving the Lord the way you do...You girls mean the world to me and I love you so so much.

:Jess:Brie:Erica:Candice:

"Your pretending to have it all together is killing any sense of identity you have.

You are loosing yourself to hide your imperfections."

This is a quote that one of my friends wrote describing what the Lord was revealing to her in her own life. As I read those words, I felt that the Lord used the revelation he gave her to reveal similar issues in me.

These two statements hit me blindsided...

For the past year, I have been healing of things in my past and it has been so freeing. The Lord has truly been the source of joy in my heart and contentment of my soul. But lately, I have been realizing that part of me feels dead...numb. There is a part of my identity that is not present. I have been feeling this way for awhile now, but not many people would know because I hide it well.

I am a perfectionist and I do not like showing if something is wrong or out of control in my life. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and therefore I pretend that all is just fine...but sometimes this is not true. Sometimes I'm dying inside and my world feels chaotic and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless and I end up loosing myself in the midst of it all....

These statements rang true in my life this past week...I don't want to pretend that everything is okay all the time...I don't want to loose myself, my sense of identity because I am trying to hide my imperfections. The Lord brought others into our lives to "encourage one another.." Romans 1:12 and to carry each others burdens. It's okay to let others know that things aren't always just fine..it brings forth rawness...realness...

I have learned so much by just dwelling on those statements and really allowing the Lord to break me of this idea in my head of "having it all together" or "it's not a big deal." It has been extremely freeing and restoration of my identity in Christ has been set in place again.

so thank you my dear friend for sharing those words...

I find myself seeing things of my past creep up behind me....

They start off as little things, not that big of a deal.... then suddenly, there is this huge issue at hand and I don't even know how it got there.

The biggest issue that has come forth from my past has been fear. I have been realizing that I am fearful of a lot of things in my life. I am not quite sure why, but I know that it was just little things and now it encompasses most things in my life...or at least the most meaningful things in it.

I fear conflict, people leaving, being imperfect, not worthy...and the list goes on.

Now, I'm not looking for pity at all. I know that all of these things are complete lies. I am more just at a loss as to why I feel this way and how I am to get over these fears.. Instead of dealing with these fears and being vulnrable to all of them, I would much rather not make any of it a big deal...sweep it under the rug..pretend that it does not bother me... to push away the hurt that can come from them.

I fear hurting most of all...I'm tired of it, so I tend to just build up walls in order to not to feel it. I love the Lord and I know He will never fail me...it's people I don't trust...been burnt one too many times I suppose.

It does get old feeling this way..hence me writing about it. Trying to get my thoughts all in order...trying to find the source of this fear...trying to find how I can get through it with the Lord. How do I allow him to break me of this and allow Him to protect me, instead of me trying to protect myeslf? How do I allow myself to trust those I love that they won't leave, that they will always love me? These are questions that I pose to myself...to challenge my perspective.

Jesus is unchanging, never failing, everlasting...He will always remain. Here is where I start...trusting the Lord with those that I love because he ecompasses it all...He is sovereign.

Psalm 27:1

"The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"