This week has been extremely stressful for me...school, summer project, and friends have been on my mind and keeping me busy. Every day has been a challenge in one way or another...things kept adding to my stress level, but I was able to handle it...then last night hit me.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore... I was drowning. I had allowed myself to become encompassed with the burdens of other things and other people's problems only to find that I was hurting in the midst of it all.
I went home and just lost it... I cried out to the Lord. I couldn't do it on my own anymore. See, I didn't realize it, but this whole week, I was trying to hold it all together. I was trying to not let things bother me. I was going to fix things. I was not going to let myself hurt....the only thing I found, is that I can't do it.
I can't fix everyone's problems, I can't make the hurt go away, only the Lord can. I was so determined this week to be ok and to make others feel ok that I wasn't allowing Him to take make it all ok.... I did not allow Him to take the burdens and they just kept piling up, making things worse. The Lord calls us to come to him with our burdens, to lay them down at the foot of the cross. So last night, that's what I did. I went before the Lord and just laid out my heart and the hurt before Him. I said take it all Lord, because I can't do it.
and today...I feel renewed. This will be a daily surrender, but I have run into the arms of the only One who can mend brokeness.
"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."
Proverbs 18:10
sometimes it takes nights like that...break downs like that...for us to see truth in the urge to bring our burdens to the Lord.
ReplyDeleteeven when we think we are conducting ourselves in a manner worthy of those around us, that doesn't mean it's a manner worthy of God...because God WANTS us to sit broken at His feet...because it is only at those times that we can truly see our desperate need for a savior.
and He is yearning to heal us...to put us back together!
we just have to let him.
i'm so glad that you feel renewed today! i hope and pray that your renewal can continue :)
Ally,
ReplyDeleteI can relate. I feel I am always just trying to be okay when I am not but you get so caught up in others lives or in daily obstacles and in reality you are hurting. I love you very much and I am joyful to hear you have ran to the Lord and He is renewing you! So great! praying for you and your heart!
i love that you feel renewed. that brings such joy and comfort to my heart. i feel as if this struggle to pretend we have it all together is one we get caught up in so often. but as jess said, the LORD desires to sit broken at His feet. He wants the messiness, the pain, the hurt, the burdens! HE DESIRES TO CARRY IT.
ReplyDeleteand when we finally allow ourselves to feel it all, we are reminded all over again of the redemptive power we have in our LORD.
i love that you cried. i love that you broke. i LOVE that the LORD is RENEWING YOU.